It’s been 10 years since I’ve gone bra shopping. I have been planning on going for years… After I had my babies I didn’t want to go because I felt fat and ugly. I was carrying an extra 35 lbs and I was harsh to myself telling myself really awful things like, I’m ugly. I’m fat. What’s wrong with me? Then years later, once I lost my weight, other things just seemed more important. I was running around in toddler land and my attention was on my kids. There didn’t seem to be extra time for me or money in the account to go shopping. And so I wore my breast-feeding bras five years. After that, I bought a couple bras on sale. They worked, but they didn’t fit right. Good enough.
A couple weeks ago I was in New York City walking down 34th street and I passed a Victoria’s Secret. I thought, I haven’t been bra shopping for ages. And then… I think I have a gift certificate for Victoria’s Secret! That gift certificate has been sitting in my wallet 10 years after the birth of my eldest son. Magically I had it in my purse that day. I had the time and money. Why not?
Once inside a sales clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help. She measured my size and hell-oooooooo I am a 32DD. So after grabbed a few bras I headed to the changing room to try them all on. I put on the bras and one after another they didn’t quite fit right. One was gapping too much, one was too tight around my back, I must have tried on 10 bras and nothing was fitting quite right. I was so frustrated. I was ready to walk out. The sales clerk could tell. She said to me, Amber, I’m gonna figure this out for you right now. I promise. I felt relieved. I wasn’t alone and we were gonna get it figured out. And yes it was something as simple and silly as getting the right bra size, but I didn’t know how to get the right bra on my own. I needed someone who understood. I needed help. And I knew it. I had tried on my own and it didn’t work. After trial and error, I am a 32 DDD. What???
So I walked out of Victoria’s Secret with eight new bras, a complete wardrobe. They fit me great. My husband is thrilled. I am happy. What took me so long?
I could say there isn’t a Victoria’s Secret on the big Island of Hawaii, there isn’t a place to get fitted for a bra shopping, but that’s not technically true. I’m sure there are places here where I could’ve been fitted. What stopped me was worth and value. Was it worth it to buy new bras? There are other things that were worth more of my time, money and energy. And so I settled for good enough.
This got me thinking…How many areas of my life am I discounting, thinking they are not worth it. Or I am not worth it? Because the fact is, when I made the story up in my head getting new bras wasn’t important, what I was really saying was my comfort and how I felt about myself wasn’t important. Seriously, I waited 10 years.
What are you holding back? Where are you settling for good enough?
I’ve been thinking about worth, value and self-care. Self care is something we all know we should do… like having good bras, but somehow it seems less important than everything else. We end up taking care of everyone else and at the end there isn’t time or energy for taking care of us. Just like I would buying my kids some extra chochkee instead of buying myself a bra.
Much of this has been because of my thinking… that I have to choose… either money for my kids OR money for myself. I started thinking, How can I do both? Instead of thinking black OR white, what if I started playing in the grey?
What is it in me that makes me choose excess for others and not enough for me? What makes me choose taking care of others and not myself?
I am committed to my self care now. Since my bout with pneumonia, I have been diligent about taking time for me… massages, creativity, watching the clouds pass. Before, I had the story going in on in my head saying I didn’t have time for these things. What I’ve noticed is if I don’t do these things, I am more stressed. I am more unhappy. Things don’t go as smoothly. When I take time for self-care, magically everything seems to get done and I’m less stressed. I am more efficient. I am happier.
One thing that helped me was a reminder from one of my mentors Lisa Schrader. She mentioned author Tim Ferris, in his book, The 4 Hour Work Week. In it he talks about filling up your jar (life/schedule) putting the big rocks in first (things important to you), then adding in the rest.
Put things in your schedule that feels yummy to you first.
I think it doesn’t make sense in our brain that self-care (something that isn’t outwardly productive) can be that amazing for our lives. In fact, I didn’t really believe it until I started doing it. Seeing the difference it made in my life and the lives of my husband and children. Seeing the difference it made in my happiness. I am here on this planet to enjoy the life I create. Not just work hard and then occasionally have a vacation or time when I can just chill out. I want that embedded in my life. I want live my joy now.
Share below. What are you what have you been wanting to get or do that you’re holding back? What do you think isn’t worth the time, energy or money? I dare you to do it. What’s the worst that could happen? You might find out your 32 DDD.