Realistic or pessimistic?

Do you believe it’s important to be realistic? Have you had your dreams squashed by a realist? No fun. I learned my lesson the hard way (and it’s not the way you’re thinking).

My husband Tony and I were out on the town for a date. This was years ago, new in our marriage. We were on date night. This was our time to connect as we both were working 60-70+ hours a week. Our evening was going well. He was telling me about an idea he had to open another business.


I told him the reasons why I thought it was a bad idea. I talked about finances and risk and his skill set. I watched the sparkle leave his eyes and saw his hurt. I watched his heart close down. He leaned over and said, All I wanted was you to support and be excited for me.

I thought I WAS being supportive. I told him so. I said, Babe, I’m just being realistic. He said, No, you’re not. Your being pessimistic.

And looking at him I realized, what I called realistic was pessimistic. It is socially accepted disbelief. I thought about all the times I had decided to be realistic and I asked myself, what good did it do to be realistic? Is being realistic an excuse to be a downer? Is being realistic a way to keep people from getting too excited, to keep them from getting their hopes up. Is it a way for me to feel better about myself, keeping someone at my level?


I grew up in a family where realistic was celebrated. It meant having a good head on your shoulders, seeing things as they were. It was considered intelligent, smart and thoughtful. This passed on to me and that night it punctured a hole into my marriage. I decided I was done with it.

Being realistic is about keeping people small. Keeping them in a box.

It has to do with belief… mainly whosever is speaking about being realistic.
When someone has a big vision, bringing realism to it is a way to poke holes in it. It is a way to not build up expectations. It is a way for the other person to feel better about themselves.


Many people have told my husband and I our vision isn’t realistic…
  • That my husband can’t charge what he does for business coaching, that he can’t build a business on word of mouth or make amazing money coaching only 8 people a year
  • That artists don’t make good money, that I need ______ (fill in the blank certificate), and running a business takes a lot of time.
And yet…
  • My husband charges $25,000-150,000 per person per year for high end business coaching with no sales pages, funnels or online marketing.
  • And I have worked with over 10,000 women online in under 2 years making great money doing what I love part time so I can have yummy time with my family.


You see many people don’t see how it can happen so they think it can’t.

So if you have a dream or vision and the voice in your head tells you to be realistic… Remember anyone who did anything great, was first considered unrealistic.

Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Oprah, J.K Rowling, Van Gough, Ford, the first plus sized models, the first women doctors…

If you consider yourself a realist, check yourself. Is it really helping?

As for me, I prefer to hang out with the dreamers and visionaries, those who believe in miracles and mystery.

770bbd7e-3fc0-4058-a1b1-4f2d203b2952And I choose to let go of my lineage of being realistic and instead leave a LEGACY of dreams and vision.


Comment below. Share 1 unrealistic thing you want to do. I’m here cheering you on.


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