When I first started leading Women’s Circles, I had everything planned. Seating (type, location), how long each person could talk, how long I’d allow for art or work, what types of tea and wine I’d serve. How many candles I’d light, the music choice…
It made me feel safe. Like if I had it together, it had to go right.
The thing is, many times it didn’t. Yes, I got everything done, but sometimes I could feel the women walking away dissatisfied. There was something missing… Soul, Spirit, mojo, the goods.
Spirit doesn’t run on schedules. She likes to be in flow, listen, tune in and make adjustments. She requires trust. She requires surrender. She requires you to be ballsy… or eggsy… wombsy because it all might blow up in your face and you might look ridiculous.
So I started listening more. I stopped ignoring when things felt off or when I felt people tuning out. Instead I adjusted… people frustrated while they were painting? Perfect. Let’s get them in their bodies moving. People afraid to get vulnerable? Perfect. I’ll share something so raw, they’ll be moved to share. A woman taking up all the circle time? Perfect. I’ll interject.
I was leading a session with some clients last week and I could feel they needed something totally different than what I had planned. They came to the call hurried and frustrated. Getting to the call was a challenge. When they arrived, they needed something besides the art project we were doing. They needed a shake up. I started shaking my hands. One woman took down her hair and started shaking it out. Down went my hair. Another women stood up. We all stood up and wiggled, shook. I followed the thread. THEN afterwards we brought the energy back down and did a meditation to ground and calm. If I had stuck to my plan, yes I would have gotten things done, but my clients would have left dissatisfied and unempowered.
We all have areas we hold on too tightly.
For me, its my kids. I made my oldest keep his long hair a year after he wanted it cut. When it got cut, I cried.
No soda. No sugary snacks. No white bread. I hover. For you it may be your job, husband or parents.
The thing that is seductive about control is it makes me feel safer. When I have my schedule planned, I feel productive and organized. When I have my bills organized, I know more about my finances and will have less overdraft fees. I’ll have less of a chance being surprised by an overdraft fee and getting stressed. When I have my workout schedule planned, I feel like I have control over my body and getting it in shape.
I am controlling (manipulating?) in order to not feel stressed, unhappy, judged, etc.
What happens if I hold on?
Stress if things don’t go my way
I annoy friends, family and co-workers
I spend a lot of energy controlling everything (and everyone) in my head (like Chess)
I miss magic moments and the power of presence.
I can’t receive.
Letting Go~ In Progress (c) 2011 Amber Bonnici
So what happens if I let go?
Less obsession.
More enJOYment.
More surprises.
More connection.
Who’s ready to let go? Share below.
Is there anything you are holding on to too tightly?
Can you listen, surrender and receive a little more?
Where is the mojo, spirit, soul you can tap in?
