How does resistance and self-sabotage show up for you?
For me, I withdraw. I don’t want to do what I’ve committed to do. I want to stick my head in the sand and ignore it all… my dreams, visions and commitments. I want to sit in front of my TV, watch back episodes of Downton Abbey and sleep, a lot.
This is how I’m feeling now.
This is hard to admit. As a mentor for women stepping into their power, there is this seductive judgmental voice that says I should have it all together, ALL the time. I don’t. Live is real. Sometimes life is real amazing and sometimes it is real shitty.
Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed. Sometimes there isn’t any inner motivation and drive to do what I’ve said I’m going to do, but you know what? I do it anyways.
A year ago if I felt like this, I wouldn’t be writing this. I would go to bed and write it when I felt like it… maybe a week later. I was inconsistent… in my business, in life. When I felt on fire and on top of the world, I would have amazing breakthroughs in my business and passions, yet when the inspiration and feeling left, I’d spiral downwards and end up not making any movement again until I felt it.
My life was dictated by my feelings.
I would be up and down, up and down. My business and life would start to gain momentum and then I would slow down and stop for a while. I’d start up again when inspired and each time it felt like starting over. I couldn’t get any real traction.
Of course I have excuses as to why I’m feeling down. This time it is because my husband is headed out of town after I just got back and I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to be alone with the kids again. I want him here. I’m tired. I’ve been traveling and just did an intensive retreat with a lot of inner work. I’m integrating and feel like I could sleep for a week. But I can’t let my excuses undermine what is important to me.
When you’re inspired, you know what you want. Your heart sings. You feel unstoppable. When fear and resistance creep in, motivation disappears. You’re stuck.
So the key is to stay on track, keep doing what you promised you’d do when you were in tune, in touch, connected to your heart and knew what you wanted. Everything else is a lie.
I used to have a reoccurring dream. I would be driving a huge truck down a road and all of a sudden my eyes would grow heavy and close. I couldn’t see and I was driving down a road fast. I couldn’t tell if a curve was coming or if I’d drive off a cliff. I was petrified. I’d want to pull over or slow down and stop.
One night I had my truck dream but this time I felt the panic but kept going. I trusted if I needed to turn, I’d start to feel it by driving off the road. My blindness was a lie. I knew the road already.
When you are clear and know what direction you are meant to be headed, it is like you can see the road ahead. It feels great and you feel confident. Then, like my dream, when you start feeling resistance or fear, it is like you’ve become blind. You can’t see ahead and you’re unsure. You feelings may make you want to slow down and stop. Just because you can’t see doesn’t mean you are on the wrong road. Just because you don’t feel like it doesn’t mean you aren’t mean to do it. Keep driving. Keep your promises you’ve given to yourself. Remember the feeling when you were SURE and let that guide you.
I used to paint just when I felt like it. Then I met a painting that taught me to keep at it, to show up and paint, even when I didn’t feel like it, but to come expectant the Muse would arrive, and she would.
This painting took me close to 10 months, and there were A LOT of bumps in the road, when I doubted what I was doing, hated her and wanted to throw her in a dumpster bin. I didn’t. She is my teacher. Her message? To listen to the calling of your heart, no matter what.
As I write you about my resistance to doing what I’ve promised I’d do… connect every single week, I’m not letting my resistance win. I’m remembering how I felt when I created this community. I’m remembering my commitment to myself. I’m remembering how good it feels to follow through on something I’ve said I’m going to do.
…And my husband handed me the computer and said, “Go write your blogpost.”
Do you ever feel this way? What are you sticking your head in the sand over? Comment below.