expectations can kill celebration

In order to change and keep changing, you have to celebrate what you’ve already shifted.

The thing is, most of us don’t celebrate. It doesn’t come naturally to brag on yourself and what you rocked. Most of us see what didn’t work. We focus on what we could or should have done. Then we move on.

In order to gather the energy and wisdom from an experience, you HAVE TO CELEBRATE the change. You have to look at what is going well. This is the energy that will keep you moving forward.

We are more easily motivated by love than fear. Through encouragement rather than criticism. We see it with animals, kids, partners, employees. Why would it be any different with ourselves?

I remember the first time I had a solo art show. It was something I had wanted for years and there it was happening!!! I had a lot to do in a short amount of time…finish a bunch of paintings, put together the signage, paint the edges, put my paintings on a shipping container, put together price lists, invitations, press release, reception details. I had a lot to do. And I did it. I powered through it looking forward to the big opening.

Looking back, here is what’s so heart breaking:

At the opening, behind my smiling face, I wasn’t happy. I had worked months and instead of enjoying myself, I was caught up in what wasn’t going right. I was embarrassed more people didn’t come to the reception. I was disappointed in my sales (none). I thought I’d have hundreds at the reception, paintings would fly off the walls, I’d be celebrated and the world would finally know I was an artist. What happened didn’t meet my expectations. In my head I was telling myself I was a failure, a fraud and everyone finally knew it. That night I went to bed crying wondering if I should continue painting at all.

What if instead I had set a different expectation? To have fun? Learn? To finish up some paintings? To celebrate each person that came to see my work as a divine connection? That night instead of being so unhappy, I would have been ecstatic. I would have told myself how frickin’ amazing I was for putting together a show, that many artists never have a solo show, that press DID show up, that I was living my dream.

The only difference is the expectation.

So here is my question for you…

Maybe you’ve gotten better at self care or communicating with your partner or kids. Maybe you’ve started a spiritual practice, gotten a promotion or learned to be kinder to yourself. You’ve made changes but the voice in your head is telling you, you could be doing better.

Yes, you’re taking 5 minutes for yourself, but you should be taking 30.

Yes, you’re not snapping at your kids as much, but you could be more present.

Yes, you’ve gotten a raise, but it should have been more money.

Yes, you’re finally exploring your creativity, but it doesn’t look good.

Yes, you’re finally sharing your work, but no one is buying.

Enough! Enough with disqualifying your changes.

1) Manage expectations. When someone is doing their first workshop, their goal is to do their first workshop. That’s it. It’s not about the amount of people who come or money they make. Once they do their first one, then we work on what to adjust to make it more successful.

2) Celebrate. I don’t care if it is big or small. It is about noticing. Bringing our attention to the energy we want.

This month some of our celebrations included…

Giving their first proposal to a client

Creating a self care routine without guilt

Planning and marketing their first workshop

Buying a house

Following their natural rhythm and not beating themselves up for not getting more done

Getting the courage up to go to a party when they’re more comfortable at home

Keeping their commitment to themselves to move every day

Spending time creating daily

Speaking their truth and negotiating a raise for $6000

Big things. Small things. It doesn’t matter. It is about the energy. It is recognizing you are changing. Because when you celebrate, you allow more of that change to flow in.

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