As a mom more than anything I just want my son to be happy and make it smooth sailing. That doesn’t always happen.
Last week he came home and told me his best friend (from Kindergarten) told him the only reason he was friends was because his mom wanted him to be. My heart hurt so bad for him. I held him as he cried. I hurt for him and it reminded me of my own uncomfortableness and social drama in elementary school…. the desire to fit in so badly, feeling like an outcast, like something was wrong with me, that I had to change myself in order to be cool or popular.
The thing is, as I was talking to him about friend choices and to think about the type of person he wanted in his life, I noticed how I was trying to make it all better (of course). I was thinking of ways he could cushion himself against the pain…
How can I help him not be friends with that other boy?
Get new friends so he doesn’t miss his buddy?
Should I enroll him in an after school sport to meet new people?
Should I tell him how not everyone is reliable and it is to be expected?
And I thought I don’t want to cushion him against the pain and here’s why…
I did it when I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant… I thought, I don’t want anyones sympathy if I miscarry.
I did it when I had my first women’s circles… I thought, I’ll be happy with 1 person.
I did it when I walked in my first gallery… I thought, I’ll be fine if they don’t take my work.
I did it when I had my first group program… I thought, I’ll be happy with a couple people.
The thing is, by cushioning myself against disappointment, I’m actually putting energy out there that says I’m fine with it. I’ll settle. I’m happy with 2 people. I’m fine if they don’t take my work. But the truth of the matter is, that’s not really true.
Being quiet didn’t make the pain of my miscarriage any easier.
Having no one show up for one of my early workshops still sucked and made me question my calling.
I still felt the pain.
So here is my question for you… where are you cushioning yourself against disappointment? And what is that costing you?
For me it cost me excitement and happiness in the early stages of my pregnancy. It cost me connection with others… moments of celebration.
By being fine and planning for things not to work out, is that really serving you? Does that inspire you? Make you happy?
What’s to lose by dreaming bigger? By being excited by possibility?
When I sat down with my son, I asked him what he wanted in a friend. What did friendship look like? Feel like? I got him thinking of what he wanted so he could magnetize that to him instead of focusing on what he didn’t want. Just so you know, he wants someone with a big heart, who is loyal and fun. 🙂
So what do you want? What’s your BIG dream?
This is what I teach my clients… to DREAM, to stop being “realistic” and start asking for all they want. Want to write a book and do it in a way that feels nourishing? GREAT! Want to start workshops and share your work in your community? GREAT! Want to bring your message around the world and impact the lives of millions? GREAT!
Then, once you dream, you get to break it down…
When I’m setting a goal or holding a vision, I’ll have my get it done goal… and I also have my oh-my-gosh-this-would-be-so-amazing-goal. This lets me celebrate and pat myself on the back for doing the steps AND it also lets me dream, grow and allow space for God to come in and make it WAY more amazing than I could ever imagine. For example, I just held the Woman Unleashed Online Retreat (still time to catch some sessions here if you want). My get it done and I’ll be good goal was 4,000. My oh-my-gosh-this-would-be-so-amazing-goal was 8000. We hit 8100 and people are still joining. Don’t settle.
So what are you doing?
Share below. Call yourself out on any ways you’ve been cushioning yourself against disappointment. Then share your BIG dream, your get-it-done goal and your oh-my-gosh-this-would-be-so-amazing goal. Can’t wait to witness you sister!